I love my mother. My mother is a good woman and has always been. Like my father, she was brought up in a small town in Iceland, during the depression of the 1930s and 1940s. Her father was a captain at sea and an owner of a small fishery from the 1930s to the 1950s. He mother was a housewife. Mom was the oldest of 3 siblings, 2 sisters and a small brother. Because of my grandfather the family was pretty well off, in comparison to many other families of that time. She was raised proper and with good family values.
She grew up to be a natural beauty and turn many a mans heads in her prime, and to her credit she has always been a graceful lady in all her behavior. Men would instinctively open doors for her and she would thank them with a pleasant grateful smile. We have photographs of her in the 1960s and she is stunning. I can hardly believe that this in mother.
Despite all this I began to notice over the years, that she never gave us too much affection as children, and yes there were 4 of us. Also over the years, I detected in her a kind of a withdrawn defense mechanism of slight coldness, a tendence for negativity and excessive caution and warning to us kids. I found this out because I began to notice in myself that tended to have negative outlook on the world, when it came to start a new job, project and taking a trip somewhere. I would focus on the dangers, caution and everything that could go wrong, instead of focusing on the positives and what could go well for me. It took me a while to change my outlook on life in this way and even still today, I have to keep my outlook in check. I realize of course that my mother was thinking of safety and precaution at all times, also she was born in 1934 during the depression, to keep things in context. She wanted the best for us and always wanted to keep us safe, that is the main thing. My mother lost a child giving birth to a son in 1959, which had an effect on her from then on.
Mom in now 91 years old and my father passed away over a year ago, so she is more alone now than ever. My sister died on cancer 13 years ago, and they used to speak on the phone on a daily basis. I try and visit her every other day and help her as much as I can, but it is difficult to be old knowing you have little time left on this earth. She is now small in stature and has problems walking but she is graceful still. Her mind is clear, her hearing is good, her sight is failing a bit but she can hold a conversation for a long time. She is a good person and I love her dearly. I do not want to loose her.
