Through the many stages of my life
I have been aiming at something new
aiming at something better for myself
to better my appearance and my body
to better my education and knowledge
to better my income and my own status
to get out of my current status quo
to a perceived better status quo
never liking myself enough or where I was
work harder and strive for greatness
obtain more things and be more
never thinking of who I really was
I see now that I was afraid all my life
afraid of never being good enough
I was tormented by my imperfections
afraid of admitting to imperfections
but there are no real imperfections
just perceived notions about perfection
I did all the things, obtained all the things
and upon reaching the goals of my youth
I found nothing, no wellbeing or happiness
keeping everything going took a toll on me
it took my mind and body breaking down
of stress, insomnia, constant overthinking
for me to rebuild myself again, and release
the ego I built up and maintained for decades
and find the original me, the unfazed voice
which was hidden and stored in old journals
journals that I had filled with passionate poetry
and thoughts of dreams and stories told
thank god for handwriting and young passion
I stored and kept these books in my attic
they were the backup of my soul essence
kept over decades safe by my subconscious
to be restored to me when the time came
that I would find myself and continue living.
A.G. Munson
